Have you noticed that sometimes the music and the image do not match? Maybe the mind and self knowledge say one thing, and the inner state – something completely different, that the results achieved do not necessarily cause joy and peace, but on the contrary – encourage us to collect evidence of our success from the environment even more diligently, to try even harder? Sometimes even desperately, just to reduce that inner discrepancy. In teams, we study the behavior of leaders, which we recognize from “You did great, but… next time you can do even better!”. On the one hand – it is true, we can always do better, faster, cooler,
more precisely, but there is also the other side – in the long run it no longer pleases, generates anxiety, a feeling of underestimation, starts to cost too much, reduces motivation – why try, after all, there is no time to rejoice, anyway, no matter what we do, it will not be enough…

This is how we operate in our personal lives, I have experienced it myself. A Master of International Business, an ICF coaching certificate, postgraduate studies in Gestalt therapy, dozens of leadership trainings, decades of leadership experience, million-dollar projects managed, five wonderful children raised, a successful marriage, a business and home created, wonderful friendships – it would seem that I have more than enough evidence of a meaningful and successful life. In addition to that – a constant struggle with that intrusive, ever-awakening inner inhabitant, who does not yield to either logic or achievements. “Not enough again” – it squeaks and emerges like a shadow, blocking the sun and preventing you from breathing in life with a full chest, enjoying its rays. In the therapist’s room, this topic also sounds constantly – like a trap, like some kind of curse of the times, if not dispelled, even the most successful people do not stop spinning on the carousel of “I still have to prove” and “It’s never enough”. No matter how many diplomas, awards, beautiful relationships, recognition from others – deep inside, there is a painful emptiness and doubts about
one’s own worth. Then we look for where that voice comes from. With gentle steps, we return to the answers, whose words these are, who they serve, when they were needed in order to survive, to please, to prove, to be, to see what we are. At the end of the journey, we find the knowledge that this is not the Truth about us – it is just an old, foreign, accidentally slipped in, hitherto unnoticed resident, with whom today is the time to say goodbye.

How to recognize that resident?

• I am constantly trying, but inside I feel empty,
• Each achievement brings a brief relief, but not peace,
• It always seems that I need to be even better, more perfect,
• If I succeed – it happened to me by accident,
• If something fails – it is my own fault, after all I knew that I was not good enough/able/ doing enough.

What lies behind that feeling?

The feeling of inadequacy is often an old, unconscious experience. It can be:

• The voice of parents or authority figures in childhood
• A way of adapting: “If I am the best, they will see me”
• Defensive reaction: “I have value only by doing, not by being”

Where to start meeting that voice? Let’s ask ourselves:

• Whose voice is this in me?
• When did I first feel unnoticed?
• Who am I trying to prove to? What am I expecting in return?
• What would “enough” look like?
• What if you knew that you were already enough?

How can you find that peace?

• Recognize that voice not as the truth about yourself, but as an old story.
• Ask what it still protects me from.
• Reexamine your choices – which ones lead to constant struggle, and
  which ones – to life. – Let go of guilt – even when I am not perfect, my
  existence is already a gift. – Reclaim the right not only to give, but
  also to receive.

After all, even when the world around us is noisy, rushing, competing, collapsing –
we are our own Home and have an unbreakable foundation: love, faith and tenderness.
And that is more than enough.